When Love Becomes a Mistake

That evening, I gathered all the courage I had and confessed my feelings to him. I was terrified, afraid that my honesty would change everything between us. And it did. The night marked a turning point—he wasn’t the same with me, and I wasn't the same happy girl I use to be. I had always believed that being honest and loyal was the best way to be, but sometimes, I wonder if keeping your emotions hidden is the better choice, because not everyone can handle the truth. Love— should one express it or leave it unsaid? I still don’t have the answer. I never wanted to hurt him. I thought that by finally telling him how I felt, we could be closer. But instead, my confessions made him declare everything between us as a mistake. That crushed me. I wanted to say, “Can you just call what we had an open relationship and not friends with benefits?” Maybe that would make sense. Yes, you’re right. You never promised me anything, not a relationship, nor marriage, in the past four years. It was my fault, all along. I assumed your actions were signs of love when you never said so. I made the mistake of trusting you, and despite seeing your actions, I stuck around. It was my mistake to love you so deeply, thinking things might turn into something more. The truth is, I had feelings for you all along. I didn't admit it at first because I didn’t know how. But deep down, I was already in love with you the moment I met you. And I’m sorry—sorry for not letting you know at the first place & for getting too close when I should have been honest from the start. But now, I know I can never be as close to someone again. I wanted to apologize, to assure you not to blame yourself, because this was always my doing. I’ve always wanted you to be happy, but now, I realize that my love is the reason for your sadness. I wish I could tell you that deep down, all I’ve ever wanted is for us to be together forever. I wish I could ask you to be fine forever. But I know that’s not something you want, and I’ve accepted that. I can never be loved the way I love you. I don’t want to be the cause of your pain, and so, I have to let you go. Watching you become someone else’s is the hardest thing to bear. As you always says, one should respect the other’s feelings. But that’s all. I’ll go now, because that’s what love one sided love is.